Vows to my Daughter

To my dearest daughter. Treasure of all treasures. The heart beat made from my own. My daughter.

May you be vowed many things in your lifetime. First by the people who made your hands, not just by the person who puts a ring on it.

To my burning little flame, my sweet and powerful Ember.

I vow to believe you. To believe your stories and experiences as you say they are. To understand, more importantly, the feelings behind them.

I vow to believe that I AM the example and I will always check myself to be doing “the thing” that I am expecting of you.

I vow to ask “what’s under this behaviour”, not just “how do I stop this behaviour”.

I vow to get really good at repair. Because there are no perfect parents, but repairing relational ruptures IS the only way to be a “good enough” parent.

I vow to pursue a friendship with you, always. I didn’t have you so I could bleed out my life and love and resources for 20+ years only to not receive a friend at the end of it. Closeness to your heart is the forever goal, not just a baby-toddlerhood experience.

I vow to grow and not just assume I have everything to teach, and you have everything to learn from me. I will actually need you to teach me things. There comes a time in life where people often become “set” in their views, perspectives and beliefs. So I vow to humble myself to student at times as well. Not just for my own good, but so you see an example of how that’s done.

I vow to work on being a safe place. The success in my parenting won’t come from what you’ve achieved or how confident you are as a person but whether your first thought is “I messed up, I want to tell my mum”, not “oh no, don’t tell my mum I messed up”.

I vow to not punish you for your messes, so that I’m the person you do want to tell them to. Then without shame we can walk through how it all happened, and how we can choose better next time.

I vow to be curious about the person you are becoming and not see you through the lens of who you once where.

I vow to love you forever and ever and ever, and that’s why I vow to do the things I’ve said. Because at the end of the day…“love is not enough”. It will ALWAYS be my opinion and feeling that I love you, and yet I know you will feel and believe my love by the way I enact it, not simply think about it.

So, my darling daughter. I may not be able to give you the stars. But I will always work to give you a relationship that works. That’s dependable, that’s your safe space, your crash pad.

I vow to give you a friend.